"The Christmas Anarchist" by Jessica Conoley–Guest Blogger

“What’s your favorite Christmas movie?”

Die Hard.”

“That’s not a Christmas movie, it’s a crappy 80s Bruce Willis action film.”

“Um, it’s an awesome 80s Bruce Willis action film -– and it’s a Christmas movie.”

“No, I’m talking about Christmas movies, like: A Christmas Story, or Miracle on 34th Street, The Charlie Brown Christmas Special.”

“I know what you’re talking about, but I never saw that Christmas story movie. I just know a kid gets his tongue stuck to a pole, and that completely grosses me out. Miracle on 34th Street just seems like a bad trip-–little girls hearing angel bells, Jimmy Stewart on a really bad trip.”

“That’s so sad.”

“Sad? Which part?”

“The Die Hard part.”

“Have you seen it? It’s totally set on Christmas.”

“Just because a movie is set on Christmas doesn’t make it a Christmas movie.”

“There’s Christmas music, Christmas lights, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing a tree. There are definitely bad sweaters. Christmas is all about bad sweaters.”

“No it’s not! It’s about family, and snow flakes. Christmas trees, and baby Jesus.”

“You’re telling me no one wears bad sweaters at your house on Christmas?”

“NO! Well, yes… But that’s not the point. The point is the Christmas
movie. The one’s that make you think of your family, and count your blessings.”

Die Hard always makes me most appreciative I’m not being held hostage. And really glad I have good shoes. It also makes me feel blessed I’m not at a company Christmas party. That’s how the whole thing starts– they’re at a company Christmas party. Only now they’d call it a Holiday party, but in the 80s I think they were still Christmas parties.”

“Seriously!”

“Yeah, seriously. And, Bruce Willis could totally kick Santa’s ass.”

“No one is supposed to kick Santa’s ass!”

“Yeah well no one’s supposed to break into your house and eat your cookies, but you don’t seem too concerned about that.”

–Jessica Conoley is an Executive Board Member of Whispering Prairie Press and editor for Kansas City voices.  To read more of her work check out http://www.fightingthekcboredom.blogspot.com/.

8 thoughts on “"The Christmas Anarchist" by Jessica Conoley–Guest Blogger

  1. Julia Nelson

    >Love it! My fave take-away line: "Christmas is all about bad sweaters." I'm no Grench, but I might have to steal that! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Peg Nichols

    >So that's why msn keeps showing that picture of a kid with his tongue on a telephone pole under the headline "Where are they now?"

    Reply
  3. Dane Zeller

    >Jessica, you have a nose for Cheesy Christmas culture. I nominate this one for second place. (Click my name to reveal my choice.

    Reply
  4. Jessica Conoley

    >Bruce Willis vs. Dolly Parton… huh, Dane? I think you're right, in a fight Dolly could probably take Bruce in a fight.

    Reply
  5. pamela boles eglinski

    >I'm loving this thread. Now I have to see Die Hard. [Still don't like Bruce Willis, but he was nice to Demi when her marriage was breaking up]. Still, if you ask me, "White Christmas," is among the best Christmas movies. Singing, dancing, good lines, wonderful tunes, great actors, super ending and a take-away lesson on doing the right thing by your friends. What more could you want?

    Reply

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