"Rapture" by Norm Ledgin––Guest Blogger

I know why the Rapture didn’t come off Saturday, May 21. I’ve reached an understanding with God. She didn’t want to start without me. 

I’d never believed, but God said, “Get over that crap. You need me. I need you. I’m giving you five more months to get ready.” 

“The Mayans are offering nineteen months.”

“Mayans, Shmayans. Be ready when I said.”
I ventured a deal. “Billy Graham promised when we die, we get new bodies. Right there in the Kansas City Star.”
“If Billy Graham put it in the Star, it’s true. Let me write that down. ‘New bodies’.”
“On that new body, I could use more hair on my head and a bigger dick.”
“I’m still writing,” God said. “How much bigger?”
I shrugged. “Whatever guarantees joy without pain. Use your judgment. One more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Sarah Palin. Can she keep the body she already has?”
God said, “I shouldn’t make exceptions.”
“Please. I think she’d like that. It’s consolation for missing the election. She’ll never get to be bimbo-in-chief.”
“That’s a good bargain. Is that all?”
“Yes.”
God said, “I have one for you. When October 21 rolls around, bring your Hanukkah recipe for potato latkes.”
“You like my latkes?”
“They’re to die for.”
––Norm Ledgin has authored books of fiction and nonfiction and lectures on Thomas Jefferson at the University of Kansas.  Learn more at www.normledgin.com
We were proud to feature Norm’s work in Volume 8 of Kansas City Voices, order your copy at:
  

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